Our kind of Pope, Leo is

The Chicagoan has a long to-do list, but he shouldn't ignore the world of sports.

Robert Prevost was spotted at the 2005 World Series, the one time the Chicago White Sox did not need a transfusion of holy water.

They bulldozed Houston in a 4-game Series sweep after they had thrown three straight complete games in a 5-game ALCS win over the Angels. Wake me up, or better yet exhume me, the next time that happens. They were also 11-1 in the postseason and won 99 regular season games.

That was the first championship for the Pale Hose since 1917. More than that, it was only their fifth postseason appearance since then. Their wretchedness has far surpassed those of the Red Sox and the Cubs, but they were never the lovable losers. They were, in fact, the least of us.

This is only one of many reasons for hosannas. Robert Prevost is now Pope Leo XIV, the first pontiff from America. Obviously he has the capacity for forgiveness because he was a fan of the team that committed the original sin in 1919. If he can forgive Chick Gandil and Eddie Cicotte, perhaps the rest of baseball can someday forgive Pete Rose and Barry Bonds.

And Leo has proven he can patiently minister to the downtrodden. Since Opening Day 2024, the White Sox have won 51 games and lost 150. This gives the White Sox an opportunity to get rid of all their sports psychologists and brain coaches. Leo could provide daily absolution as the players approach the dugout.

But the White Sox aren’t the only Chicago sports figures who need papal mercy. As a meme artist pointed out, “Popes from Chicago: One. Popes from Green Bay: Zero.”

The Bears are causing much civic angst because they want to move out of their recently refurbished Soldier Field. One plan is to build a pleasure palace at the former site of Arlington Park racetrack, where many sinners threw away their money while speculating on the actions of animals.

The preferred plan, at the moment, is to build a dome on the site where Soldier Field was born, 101 years ago.

Leo could cite John 14:3: “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me so that you may always be where I am.” That would open up the possibility of an NFL team playing in Rome, which would give the Bears leverage. It also does not bind the Bears to a timetable. Thanks to construction regulations, the stadium won’t happen before the Rapture anyway.

Leo must also be aware that rookie quarterback Caleb Williams was sacked 68 times in 2024. He rarely had time to look downfield. But the new Pope can use Mark 10: 46-52, the parable in which Jesus restored the sight of Bartimaeus, a beggar he encountered outside Jericho. “Go your way. Your faith has made you well,” Jesus said. Similar intervention could allow Williams to find his progressions.

Leo was 25 when the Chicago Bulls won the first of six NBA championships. He likely feels nostalgic when he sees what the Bulls have become today. They gave up over 119 points per game, the third-worst figure in the league. Leo might suggest the coaching staff forget all the Xs and Os and concentrate on Luke 11:21: “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house (or anyone else), his possessions are safe.”

The Chicago Blackhawks drafted Connor Bedard in the first round two years ago but won only 25 of 82 games this season. Bedard won’t turn 20 until July, and he’s seemingly fighting injuries and the incompetence of his teammates on a daily basis. Leo could point to Mark 10:14: “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not.” In other words, look what happened with Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane when given a little protection. It produced three Stanley Cups..

Northwestern University is a different issue. The Wildcats have a $270 million practice and office facility on the shore of Lake Michigan, complete with barber and hot tub. They are planning an $850 million football stadium project nearby, the most expensive in the history of the game. Leo would turn everyone’s attention to Isaiah 5:9: “Woe to you who add house to house and join field to field until no place is left and you live alone in the land….In my hearing, the Lord of Hosts has declared, ‘Surely great houses will become desolate, the fine mansions left without occupants.’ “

Chicago isn’t the only place to claim Leo. He spent 10 years in Chiclayo, Peru as the bishop of the diocese, and obtained Peruvian citizenship. Residents remember Leo driving through tough roads to help victims of storm damage, or sitting with restaurant waiters to sample the local ceviche.

Villanova University, run by Augustinians, is Leo’s alma mater. He graduated in 1977 with a mathematics degree. Leo would have been 29 when the Wildcats jolted Georgetown to win the 1985 national championship. For 40 years people were saying the upset was the work of saints on earth, so there you go.

In 2016, Leo was in Peru when Kris Jenkins hoisted a what-the-hell 3-pointer and watched it go in to beat North Carolina in the championship game. Some would say Jenkins put up a prayer. Those in Chiclayo might give you a different source.

A Knicks fan wore papal garb into Madison Square Garden Saturday and put a “Brunson” jersey on top of it. Jalen Brunson, Josh Hart and Mikal Bridges bring a Villanova edge to the Knicks. “And this way, maybe someone can forgive them of their sins,” said Knicks coach Tom Thibodeau.

There was an unsubstantiated report that Preovst was actually just a 3-star altar boy, committed to Seton Hall, when Villanova coach Jay Wright signed him, taught him the jump-stop, and otherwise developed him into a candidate to the priesthood.

Any mental Google search that includes “Pope, Philadelphia, baseball” would include Paul Owens, baseball’s first Pope. He got that nickname because someone thought he resembled Pope Paul VI. The Pope was the main excavator of the Phillies’ franchise, putting together a team that made the playoffs for the first time in 16 years and, after some postseason pratfalls, became world champs for the first time in 1980. In 1983 Owens replaced manager Pat Corrales and, even though the uniform hung on him like a scarecrow’s, got to the World Series again.

The Pope traded for Tug McGraw, Garry Maddox, Tim McCarver, Bake McBride, Dave Cash, Manny Trillo and Jim Lonborg among others, but he, Hugh Alexander and Dallas Green oversaw a mighty farm system that produced Mike Schmidt, Greg Luzinski, Larry Bowa and Bob Boone. Like some of his contemporaries, Owens could tell you every characteristic of a player except, sometimes, his name. Owens and Alexander, a legendary scout, had an epic conversation one day about a “big righthander, big guy, pitched at USC, had a lot of big years with the Mets. What the hell was his name, Hughie?” Eventually Tom Seaver came to them.

The Pope also described a situation as “six of one, six dozen of the other” and once commanded a driver to “turn up the radio a couple more decimals.” But to fully appreciate his influence, one had to accompany him to Chicago, where the Cubs only played day games back then. The Pope would convene an audience at the bar sometime in late afternoon and it would not adjourn until closing time. The writers didn’t have a problem with it, but soon realized attendance was mandatory. Loosened by some unholy waters, the Pope just might divulge some news.

After a couple of days, the writers would somehow drag themselves onto the team bus at 10 a.m. or so, looking as if the Blues Brothers had run them over with their 1974 Dodge Monaco. However, The Pope would show up with coat and tie and the glow of a man who had slept for days. How could a man of his age survive on so little sleep and so much indulgence? “Don’t forget, kid,” he’d say. “I’ve got bounceability.”

That is exactly what we ask of the humble White Sox fan who now commands the world’s Catholics. As the floor gets harder, we need all the bounceability we can get.