The things they said in 2023

A list of the funny, the weird and the poignant sports quotes of the year.

“First, draft Tim Duncan. Then stay alive.” — Gregg Popovich, on the secret of his coaching success upon election to the Basketball Hall of Fame, Jan. 9.

“I cannot say I am not mentally destroyed at this point because I would be lying.” – Rafael Nadal, after losing a second-round match in straight sets to unseeded MacKenzie McDonald at the Australian Open, Jan. 17.

“Relief and peace. Relief, like ‘God, you got me.’’’ — Jonathan Isaac, Orlando forward, after appearing in an NBA game for the first time in two-and-a-half seasons, Jan. 24.

“The only chance Reed has to get a Grand Slam is at Denny’s.” — Rory McIlroy, after Patrick Reed said McIlroy “will never win the Masters” to create his own career Grand Slam, Jan. 24.

“I went to Pizza 51 and got a sausage and mushroom pizza, how about that? And I got a salad to make my chubbiness feel good.” — Andy Reid, Chiefs coach, on how he celebrated the Super Bowl win when he returned to Kansas City, Feb. 14.

“Can’t control what everybody does outside of practice. Brandon hasn’t been in any type of trouble nor is he in any type of trouble in this case. Wrong spot at the wrong time.” — Nate Oats, Alabama basketball coach, after star player Brandon Miller was peripherally involved in a murder case, Feb. 21.

“I just wanted to have a nice miss and make everyone in the crowd go ‘Ooooohh!’’’ — Desmond Cambridge Jr., Arizona State guard, after he made a 60-footer at the buzzer to give the Sun Devils a 99-98 win at Arizona, Feb. 25.

“All the great players get thrown out a few times in their career, so it’s good for my rep.” – Jayson Tatum, Celtics guard, after he was ejected for the first time in his career, Feb. 27.

“We’ve shown that we can be the very best against anybody anywhere. We’ve also shown this.” – Erik Spoelstra, Heat coach, after a 119-96 home loss to Philadelphia, March 1.

“I have been this tall, respectfully, my entire life.” — Bryce Young, Alabama quarterback, defending his stature at the NFL Combine, March 2.

“If you ever wondered why the Memphis Grizzlies are not ready to compete for a championship, look no further than this idiot right here. They’re actually depending on this guy to help them win a championship.” – Draymond Green, Warriors forward, on Memphis forward Dillon Brooks, March 5.

“If you want to give Phil Mickelson $200 million, at age 52, to shoot 74 and 75, then God bless you.” — Fred Couples, on the LIV Tour, March 15.

“You’ve got to be responsible for who you’re with, who you’re around and what you do,  who you associate yourself with and the situations that you put yourself in. There’s no such thing as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” — Nick Saban, Alabama football coach, after he suspended Tony Mitchell for being charged with possession of marijuana with intent to sell, March 23.

“I’ve told him that it’s easy in this business to go from Bono to Bozo.” — John Mara, Giants owner, on popular coach Brian Daboll, March 29.

“I want to make clear this is rebranded a little bit. It’s a homer hose, not a dong bong.” – Kyle Gibson, Orioles pitcher, after Orioles who homered began drinking from a hose after returning to the dugout, April 10.

“I don’t want to say we just beat ourselves, but it feels like every game we kind of feel like we beat ourselves.” — Mike Clevinger, White Sox pitcher, after a 5-3 loss to Baltimore, April 14.

“You work toward a goal. It’s not a failure, it’s steps to success. Michael Jordan played 15 years, won six championships. The other nine years were a failure? There’s no failure in sports. Some days it’s your turn, some days it’s not your turn.” — Giannis Antetokounmpo, Bucks’ forward, after Milwaukee was eliminated in the NBA playoffs, April 26.

“I’ve been strong my whole life. My mom said I came out of the womb like I was doing pushups.” – Mazi Smith, Michigan defensive tackle, upon being drafted by Dallas in the first round, April 27.

“I knew I was going to face Correa, and I don’t like him. So it was kind of cool. I enjoyed that a lot. I mean, he’s a cheater.” — Kenyan Middleton, White Sox reliever, atter striking out Minnesota’s Carlos Correa to get a save, May 3,

“Humbly, I’m one of the best basketball players in the world.” — Jayson Tatum, Celtics wing, after scoring 16 points in the fourth quarter of a Game 6 Eastern semifinals win over Philadelphia, May 11.

“We had 24 giveaways. I’m not sure you’re beating the Arizona Coyotes in January with 24 giveaways.” — Bruce Cassidy, Vegas coach, after a loss in Game 5 of the Western Conference finals to Dallas, May 27.

“Every time I come to these meetings I’m blown away that the 13 colonies actually formed a union, but we can’t agree on an eight or a nine-game schedule.” — Eli Drinkwitz, Missouri coach, during SEC discussions on accommodating two expansion teams, May 30.

“I would give my hypothetical first-born to be the old me again.” — Noah Syndergaard, Dodgers pitcher trying to regain his form, after a loss to Washington, May 31.

“Horses don’t care. They don’t care who you are. They know who you are. To have a horse believe in you and your team the way this horse does…I wish more people could be like horses.” — Jena Antonucci, who became the first woman to win a Triple Crown race when Arcangelo won the Belmont Stakes, June 10.

“It was a real man that hit that ball.” — Cristian Pache, Phillies outfielder, after his 2-run homer beat Miami, July 7.

“I’m going to have me a couple of pints out of this here trophy.” — Brian Harman, after he won the Open Championship and the claret jug by six strokes at Royal Liverpool, July 23.

“It’s a blessing to my family, to my kids that I don’t even have yet.” — Andrew Thomas, Giants’ tackle, after he signed a $117 million contract extension, July 26.

“I have 99 problems and the Orioles are not one of them.” — Brandon Scott, mayor of Baltimore, on renovation of Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Aug. 1.

“I mean, this is like a sick joke. For me personally, this is like dark comedy that I missed a penalty.” — Megan Rapinoe, U.S. Women’s National Team, after Sweden eliminated the Americans on penalties at the World Cup, Aug. 5.

“If we were plumbers, there would be a lot of people fired for not doing their job.” — Becky Hammon, Las Vegas Aces’ coach, after a 99-61 loss to the New York Liberty, Aug. 6.

“We’ve built the best women’s soccer conference in the country, and there’s no way I want to share the glory of our conference with two schools that could do a very good job recruiting against us. And so basically I want Cal and Stanford to die on the vine.” — Anson Dorrance, North Carolina women’s soccer coach, on the possibility of ACC expansion, Aug. 21.

“Some days it feels better than others. Some days it’s sore. Some days the dog steps on it or something.” — Rowdy Tellez, Brewers’ first baseman, after he hits his first home after his left ring finger was fractured. Aug. 25.

“I live in Stillwater, Okla. Money goes a long way there.” — Viktor Hovland, after winning the Tour Championship and collecting an $18 million check, Aug. 27.

“I think I’m gonna renew my vows.” — Matt Olson, Braves first baseman, after teammate Ronald Acuna Jr. gets married in the morning and hits a grand slam in Dodger Stadium that night, Aug. 31.

“First of all, I want to ask Novak, what are you still doing here? Come on.” — Danill Medvedev, to Novak Djokovic after he lost a straight-set final at the U.S. Open and watched Djokovic win his 24th Slam title, Sept. 10.

“He’s made a lot of big catches. This would be his biggest.” — Bill Belichick, Patriots coach, upon hearing that Taylor Swift came to Kansas City to watch Travis Kelce play, Sept. 24.

“Mission accomplished. Our whole goal this off-season was statistical output through five games.” – Mike McDaniel, Dolphins coach, when told his team had set an NFL record for yards gained at the 5-game mark, Oct. 10. 

“They kept punching us in the face, and we weren’t able to get up.” — Enrique Hernandez, Dodgers’ utility man, after Arizona beat L.A. in the N.L. Division Series, Oct. 11.

“Baseball is a gruesome sport. Our manager keeps telling us we’re a sick breed because we play it.” — Austin Riley, Braves’ third baseman, after Philadelphia beat Atlanta in the N.L. Division Series, Oct. 12.

“I’m going to finish a piece of chocolate that I wanted to finish. I’m going to do that. Then I’m going to order room service and go to bed.” – Tom Kim, 21, when asked how he would celebrate winning a PGA Tour event in Las Vegas and $1.5 million, Oct. 15.

“Sell the team, dude. Sell it, man. Take mommy’s and daddy’s money somewhere else, dork.” – Trevor May, Athletics reliever, on owner David Fisher, after Oakland’s 50-win season, Oct. 17.

“I don’t give a crap how much money I make. You ain’t gonna talk to me like I’m a 12-year-old.” — Dabo Swinney, Clemson coach, reacting to critical talk-show caller “Tyler from Spartanburg” after the Tigers’ record falls to 4-4. Oct. 30.

“I want to run away and hide for a few days. I want to go camping and just sit in the tent and suck my thumb and eat ice cream.” — Torey Lovullo, Diamondbacks manager, after Arizona loses the World Series to Texas, Nov. 1.

“I don’t like this team.” — Chris Getz, White Sox general manager, after a 61-101 season, Nov. 8.

“This game has given me so many great things but in the process it kicks your butt.” — Camilo Villegas, after he won at Bermuda, his first PGA Tour victory in nine years, Nov. 11.

“I’ve always felt like it’d be cool to get up there and thunder away at a jury like TomCruise in ‘A Few Good Men’ or be a judge. Alas, I did not go to law school.” — Jim Harbaugh, Michigan football coach, anticipating a hearing on the restraining order against his suspension by the Big 10, Nov. 12.

“We’ve got to be realistic about the situation. It’s hard to be just like ‘Oh, we’re good, we’re good,’ because we’re bad.” — Cade Cunningham, Pistons guard, after a 142–113 loss to Toronto that extended their losing streak to 11, Nov. 19.

“I asked for a November meeting. I guess I got a November meeting. I guess you’ve got to be careful what you ask for.” — Shaquille Leonard, Colts linebacker, after being waived, Nov. 21.

“I don’t want to go to practice. I won the MVP.” — Luciano Acosta, FC Cincinnati, after winning the Major League Soccer MVP award, Nov. 27.

“Luka set the tone with that, knocking down shot after shot after shot….after shot after shot after shot.’’ — Tim Hardaway, Mavericks guard, after Luka Doncic had a triple-double in the first half and wound up with a 40-11-10 performance in playing three quarters, Dec. 6.

“For the record, I have an 0.00 ERA.” — Justin Turner, Red Sox designated hitter, after two-way star Shohei Ohtani signs a 10-year, $700 million deal with the Dodgers, Dec. 9.

“I feel like the kid who didn’t do anything for the class project and still got an A.” — Josh Allen, Bills quarterback, after Buffalo beat the Cowboys with Allen completing only seven passes, Dec. 17.

“Anyone who thinks I am going to approve an arena in northern Virginia using state tax dollars before we decide on relief for public schools in Hampton Roads must think I have ‘dumbass’ written on my forehead.” – Louise Lucas, Virginia state senator, after the Washington Wizards and Capitals announce plans to move into a $2 billion complex in Alexandria, Va., Dec. 21.